then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You've changed since you got that strap on
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
soo... how was my night?
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