I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
