he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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