I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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