o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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