I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize