youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
