Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just pee around me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
