dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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