Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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