I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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