I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
