I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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