Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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