so let's talk penis.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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