Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
