are you so shy because you have an std?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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