the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Your penis caused this!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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