U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
