note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
