wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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