Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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