We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
