yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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