hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
