hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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