she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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