Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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