Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
