If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
