Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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