I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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