i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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