this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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