i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
