Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
