i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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