No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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