doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
