i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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