I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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