Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
