Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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