i would punch a child for taco bell
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
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So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
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Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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