we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
