Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
