Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
