I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
