I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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