WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
