And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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