we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
