Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
