even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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