i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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