She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
