she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
