im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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