You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
