And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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