Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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