and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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