I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
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