Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
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