i barfeds in our rink
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he shaved USA in his pubs
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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