nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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