Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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