please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize