My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
