Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
