Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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