Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
