tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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