best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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