the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
